Yoga Beginnings
The beginning
When I took my first ever yoga class it was at an Ashtanga Yoga School. At the time owned and operated by two gifted teachers. They had a beginners class called Step by Step which was 10 classes where you are introduced to the first few postures(asanas) of the Ashtanga Yoga Primary Series.
When I was filling out the waiver form I told Jeff that I had MS. The first time I have volunteered that information in years. The best thing I could have done.
This class was run at the back of the room by Jeff, one of the owners, with a Mysore class going on in the front of the room.
Taking my first ever yoga class while Mysore practice was going on in front of me was kinda daunting. I watched two pregnant ladies doing Sirsasana (head stand), and a tall very fit pony tailed man doing parsvottanasana (folding forward reverse prayer), all the while listening to the constant rhythmic sounds of breath. It felt like the walls were breathing and I can remember thinking how that sound made me feel. It was like I’d entered the twilight zone, a different world. I can understand how this might make some people feel intimidated but I loved it and I knew instantly that this was for me. It also helped that Jeff is a caring, dedicated, knowledgeable teacher with a sense of humour that was atmospherically released during all his classes. One of his rules was that you had to smile at least once during practice.
He taught suyanamaskara a and b (sun salutations), and the last few sitting postures. While sitting he asked us to touch our toes; I could hardly reach my knees. He gave me a belt which I wrapped around my feet and tried to pull myself towards my feet – I still could not touch my toes.
After I completed the beginners classes I asked Jeff what do I do next. He said to take Mysore classes – so I signed up.
Mysore classes are taught at an individual level in a group setting. They are named Mysore after the town in India where Ashtanga yoga was first taught. If you are a beginner you’re taught the asanas as they are traditionally sequenced. You repeat what you are taught and continue to learn at your own pace. Traditionally asanas are taught after successful completion of the previous asana. As you build up strength and flexibility you progress deeper into the pre determined series of asanas. Everyone practices at their own pace receiving whatever help and guidance is required by the teacher(s). There could be a person doing some complex intertwined asana and another who can’t touch his toes. I loved that we were all practicing together. I was never made to feel inferior and I got a sense or vibe saying you’re in the right place. From here my Ashtanga journey would take me places I could never have imagined.
MS Beginnings
Diagnosis
Diagnosis was a bit of strange journey. I was 40 years old playing baseball at a company event. I was running backwards chasing a fly ball and jumped to catch it and landed on the ground banging my head. It was not a significant bang but I felt something happened that triggered a series of symptoms that eventually was an MS diagnosis. By the way I caught the ball.
I would work out on a bike that used your body weight which I would pull with my arms and push with my feet up and down. About 45 minutes into this exercise I noticed my left big toe would go numb. I did not think much about it – I just figured I was cutting off the circulation somehow. I would also get a tingling at the bottom of my spine when I bent forward. I did not think these were things to worry about or that they were even related.
I began to notice that my left eye felt different which was hard to describe. It was like my left eye was a little further back than my right eye. My GP sent me to an optometrist to check it out and the guy said there was nothing wrong. A couple of months passed and there was no improvement so I went back to my GP and he sent me back to the eye doctor. He got pissed at me, the eye doctor, because I told him there was something wrong but he still said there was nothing wrong.
So I go back to the GP and he tells me he thinks I might have a brain tumour and he sends me to a neurologist. I tell him all the stuff above and he sends me for an evoked potentials test and an MRI which both confirm that I have MS.
Symptoms start to multiply. I lose the ability to see colour, I loose peripheral vision, I get brain fog, my left foot becomes totally numb as if like a block of wood, my right hand becomes locked like a claw, I have bouts of fatigue, and thinking becomes increasingly difficult and tiring. Memory issues also start to develop.
All this is happening to me and yet I look no different.
In other words no one can tell what’s going on inside. I’m able to hide this diagnosis and continue to work. I tell my wife, four close friends and no one else for four years.
My parents live in Mobile, Alabama so I don’t get to see them as often as I would like. So not telling my parents was easy until I visited with medication that required refrigeration. That was four years after diagnosis. I dreaded telling my mom, I knew she would cry and she did.
Five years after diagnosis I’m getting my annual job evaluation and it’s not good. Most of my job evaluations are very good, in the top percentile, and I have moved up the corporation ladder consistently. This review is not good. I guess I can no longer hide what’s going on inside. I absorb this and overnight I decide to tell my boss I have MS. I take three months paid leave which I can’t stand – I like working. I go back to work on a reduced schedule and I’m assigned a project which I complete. After completion we mutually agree for me to go on long term disability.
I keep my MS diagnosis mostly to myself for many years until I join an Ashtanga yoga program.