Yoga

Let go

Approximately three and a half years ago I was diagnosed with prostate cancer. Several months after that I had my prostate removed. A couple of months after that I got sepsis from a stuck kidney stone that had turned infectious. In that second hospital stay I was finally informed that they got all the cancer out with the prostate (it was Covid time and it took a very long worrisome time to get those results from my prostate removal biopsy). A few months after that I had another stuck kidney stone which also required surgery to remove. And all the while I still have MS.

Before prostate surgery I weighed 154 pounds and practice was full primary. Today I weigh 162 pounds and practice is about half primary. It has taken almost three years just to get to this point. I did not rush it (obviously) and there were a couple of other stops and starts along the way.

I let my body inform my progress. I did not push myself other than to get on the mat. It’s that simple. Even if I just sat on it I was there. I made the trip from upstairs to the basement. It literally started as one sun salutation. The next day I did two – it was all I could muster. I had no time frame I just knew I had to start.

The hardest part is to begin. I had no goals no targets no absolutes. I just knew I had to start. I would fantasize about what I wanted to accomplish but it was never an objective. The objective is to get on the mat. I will start and see where that takes me. That to me is an important distinction of the end point. There isn’t one.

My practice informs me of where I can go. What I’m able to do and what I’m not willing to try. But I may be willing to try it down the road. The beauty of practice is that it’s a progression. Each asana informs the next asana and I listen to what my body is telling me. It’s an understanding that time is of no consequence. I’m not on a schedule. However by default I am progressing. But it’s not required – it’s not a goal it’s a simple mindset that frees discovery.

My practice continues to evolve. I still follow the sequence but I leave out some asanas. I know I’m not ready for them yet and I may never be ready. I let my body inform me of what and what not to do. I’m proud that I have the capability to understand yoga enough to prescribe for myself – thank you my teachers. I hope that does not mean I have a fool for a client – ha.

Two and half years ago I was able to do only one sun salutation and to be honest it was not easy. But I started. As I write this I now get on my mat three to five times a week. My practice is 25 minutes standing asanas, 23 minutes sitting asanas, and 21 minutes pranayama. That’s an evolution without a destination. Kinda like the universe it just keeps on expanding without destiny.

I’ve always been a results oriented person. My career depended on that mindset. One of my responsibilities was to manage a group of project managers. Deadlines, goals, milestones are top of job. But those were requirements of outside influences that were imposed on me. And I in turn imposed on someone else.

I no longer have outside influencers. Be them job related or health related. The health one still exists but on the mat it is just me with all my encumbrances. I’ve realized I’m finally free. Free to evolve at my own pace. My ego no longer plays a role in progression. I simply enjoy where my practice takes me physically, mentally, and spiritually. It’s an awakening of if I just let go; I will go further than ever before.

Ahimsa

Goals

She shoots she scores GOOOOOOAAL! No not that kind. The kind where we identify a target and do what we can to get there.

When I was young after finally getting myself sorted out. One of my goals was to own a house. It was a short term goal but also a long term plan to secure retirement. I took the steps needed to achieve that goal. I worked hard and made enough money to buy a house that was in terrible shape – the worst house on the street. It was a small two bedroom one bath house. It cost $45,000 – imagine that.

The bathroom was so small that I had to open the door and skootch around it to get in. Close the door then sit on the toilet. While on that toilet the door knob lined up perfectly with my mouth. One day I forget to lock the door and of course someone opened it while I was on that toilet and knocked out one of my teeth.

After that incident my brothers and I moved the back wall and installed a new bathtub which made the room bigger. There were many other projects and I slowly renovated that house and eventually sold it and purchased a better house. And that process continued from house to house (six times) until this last renovated house. My renovation days are now done and I am enjoying all that work that has previously occurred.

I’ve posted about goals before and my experience and opinion is that goals are not a good thing for a yoga journey. I’ve tried it that way and found out it’s opposite to what the journey is about.

I’ve done dumb things like putting timelines on achieving certain asanas such as Urdhva Dhanurasana (backbend). I even had a log book about it. I would write down what I did and if it felt better or worse. I was trying to find out what I was doing wrong. What I was doing wrong was trying to match my ego to my ability. Funny thing with that is my ego did not recognize that I have MS either. Sometimes it still doesn’t.

I used to get angry at myself when I could not do that backbend. I once swore out loud in class – not that loud but loud enough for me to hear – kinda under my breath (don’t think anyone heard me?). My form or understanding of success then has dramatically changed. It’s a lesson that age and yoga continues to teach me. Notwithstanding I am a Taurus – fixed, earth, stubborn. Also patient, sensual, and gentle – gotta add some good stuff in there – ha.

After having said all that I must admit I do have one yoga goal. That is to get on my mat as often as I possibly can. That’s the real battle the one going on in my head. There is always a reason not too. I’m finding that if I get on the mat that is the win. I’m there, I’m present, I’m gonna find out.

It’s not about progression it’s about maintenance. If I don’t keep at it I will start to deteriorate. It’s kinda like the house I’m in. I put all the work in to get it where I wanted it. If I don’t maintain it it’s going to fall into disrepair.

I was that worst house on the street. I did some renovations (asanas) and got to a place where arrival is defined as where I am. I’m maintaining all that work previously done. There is nothing forced, I create no waves, I bask in the space I’ve provided.

And lost no teeth in the process – ha.

Ahimsa

3 x 20 = Symmetry

My practice has evolved into a symmetrical existence that feels just about right. I no longer push myself into asanas that cause initial discomfort. When a difficult asana comes up in the sequence I’m much more patient and kind when it comes to binding or contorting myself – Ahimsa ya. I have come to terms with my body, my age, my denial.

I’m changing my opinion about who I need to be. I had this idea that I would get my practice back to where it was before prostate surgery. I set myself a goal that I would do Sirsasana (headstand) again before my next birthday. And maybe I will but I’ve realized that is an unnecessary goal and it’s something I’ve always known about yoga. There are no goals, no targets, no milestones. I’ve learned that the universe is unpredictable and exists at its own peril. That kinda sounds ominous but when I practice I’m not at the beginning, I’m not in the middle, I’m not at the end, I’m at the centre of the universe.

That may sound a bit hefty or arrogant but you can’t prove me wrong just as I can’t prove you’re not the centre of the universe. Dynamically I believe we all are. It’s all about balance and that is where I have arrived. Funny eh, a guy with MS is all about balance – ha.

I’ve been practicing Ashtanga for over eleven years and I’ve been blogging about that journey for the last five of those years. I’ve learned and gained so much from doing asanas and breathing consciously.

My practice has never been stagnant and continues to evolve. It changes with me and fits to my situation whatever that may be. It’s kinda stretchy – ha. It allows me the space I need to feel accomplished at something. That may sound a bit self congratulatory but it’s necessary. Getting on the mat takes courage some days. What will I find out. What will I do when I hit a roadblock. Will I give up. What the hell does giving up even mean.

So I’m here at a balanced practice. Again the guy with MS is talking about balance. However my practice continues to work for me which in all its forms has always been that way and meets me where I am.

I arrived here by accident. I wanted to reincorporate pranayama in my daily practice. It’s become a more significant component in my daily practice you might say it’s become an equal partner. And the other day I found out how equal.

I time my practice. When I start, I turn on the stopwatch on my phone. I’ve done this for years at home practice. It was a way for me to determine how I’m recovering(when I had to) and if I’m forgetting some asanas. That may sound weird but I can tell by the length of my practice if I’ve forgotten something. This was especially the case when I had to restart my practice. For me it works.

So on the stopwatch I can use the lap function to breakup sections of practice. I did this to time asana and pranayama. Asana is basically the same duration but pranayama has been getting longer. My teacher added some stuff and I have extended Kapalabhati (skull shining) which is a Kriya or cleansing technique usually done before pranayama. I consider it part of my pranayama practice.

So the other day I used the lap function to time standing asanas, sitting asanas, and pranayama. It turns out to be twenty minutes standing asanas, twenty minutes sitting asanas, and twenty minutes pranayama. Although this was not planned I was surprised by how symmetrical it is. Again my evolving practice meets me where I am.

It’s another lesson learned and over time and the older I get, the less I have to prove and the more I have to learn.

Ahimsa
Be kind

Note:
This is my 50th post about yoga and it was five years ago that I began the process of starting a blog about my journey with yoga and MS. A few bumps in the road health wise and I’m still at it. I’ll admit sometimes I feel like I’m repeating myself and if you are a consistent reader that may be evident, but it’s all still true. My yoga journey continues to benefit my psyche with all the stuff that happens to me, around me, because of me.

It’s been surprising and a joy writing about how yoga has had such a huge impact on my MS, my life, and how I live.

I thank you for reading.

Inversions

A couple of years ago I changed my practice time from first thing in the morning to whenever I’m ready. So that meant I’d get up move around a bit, work out the kinks, read the paper while having a cup of coffee. I’d wait an hour after drinking that coffee before I got on the mat. So that meant I’d get on the mat between nine and nine thirty. Approximately three hours later than before.

The reason for this was in part because I needed to acclimatize my body to what was about to happen – practice. As I get older that takes longer than it used to. And since I started this wait-till-I’m-ready-process I would drink a large mug of black coffee. Initially I judged this as a good idea because I thought it gave me a little more energy during practice. But in the long run it turns out to have been a bad idea.

Approximately six or seven months ago I noticed I was chewing on antacids occasionally and was getting to the point that it was almost daily. I did not give it much thought but I decided to mention it in an appointment with my family doctor. We discussed it and he knows that I practice yoga and he asked me if I do any inversions in my practice. He also is a yogi. He then asked do I drink coffee – yes. I can see the wheels turning in his head and before he said a thing I said I’m not giving up practice.

To go sideways a bit I was born in England and I was brought up on tea. When I was a kid and my cup of tea was almost finished, I would love being able to swill around the tea leaves at the bottom of the cup and discard all the leaves in one swirl – a long learned technique. I was proud of that silly skill. Now they have tea bags – another time honoured skill gone by the wayside – ha. Did you know that a cup of tea can solve almost any problem – umm.

I started to drink coffee at the age of forty one and the reason I started was because of my MS diagnosis. I drank it due to fatigue and my theory was that a large double double (coffee with two cream and two sugar) would solve that issue. And that’s how my coffee habit started. There was in my mind logic to this choice.

Coffee became something I loved to drink especially because of the sugar and cream. But years later I wanted to quit sugar which I eventually accomplished and later when I became vegan the cream disappeared also. So black pour over coffee became my new fix. But it never tasted as good without the cream and sugar.

So my doctor is basically telling me it’s either coffee or yoga. He’s not saying stop drinking coffee entirely just don’t drink before practice. But if you can quit drinking coffee that would be best. Is tea ok – yes.

Coffee is a known stomach irritant and when you invert as I do many times(1) it flows into the the esophageal sphincter and irritates the bejesus out of it, causing the need for me to chew antacids.

Inversions are not recommended for people with glaucoma, high blood pressure, or other circulatory issues. And now drinking coffee is added to the list – at least for me.

Inversions continue, coffee is no longer consumed, and antacids have not been required. Sometimes it just blows my mind how simple a solution can be.

Patient: Dr. Dr. It hurts when I move my arm like this. Doctor’s response: then don’t move your arm like that – ha.

Ahimsa
Be safe

(1) inversions are defined as when your heart and hips are higher than your head. In my current practice that happens approximately twenty times.

Above photos taken in 2019

Always a student

Day one

Recently I went back to studio practice for two days in the same week. I have not practiced in studio two days in the same week in years. I’ve been maintaining my practice at home. My first teacher was in town so I made a point to attend a couple of his classes.

To go off topic a bit I never know how I’m going to feel when I get up. To plan anything is a crap shoot. I do not get up at five and practice at six anymore – I practice when I’m ready. Most days that means at least two hours after I get up. And I get up when I get up. It takes a long time to work out the kinks and figure out what MS is up to. So that is the reason I don’t go to the studio anymore.

But this time I got up at a planned time and headed to the studio. When someone knows what they speak of and in this case teach, you know it. And I know it. It’s evident he knows what he is doing. I’ve known it for years but he’s been away and so have I. But I came back last week because he was in town.

It used to be a challenge of mine to not diminish the power of others whom teach anything. However I love to learn but I’ve had many bad experiences with teachers (in general) as I grew up. I’ve always railed against authority (in my case teachers) it’s something that resides deep inside and I’m not exactly sure why. But over the years with the right teachers I’ve learned it wasn’t them it was me.

I quit high school when I was 16 years old. I thought I was doing the right thing and I’m not saying I didn’t but if I’d continued my education I would have arrived far sooner than I have. My dad said that I went to the school of hard knocks but that was just a working class euphemism for my choices.

I’m going to say right off the bat I’ve done ok.

But time is one of the best teachers. It’s weird because I thought I’d never do this and definitely not post about it. Looking back is not necessarily a good thing to do but here I am and I’m beginning to understand who I am – it’s taking a long time. I am distilling and at some point I’m going to taste great – ha.

A key part of this distillation has been my yoga journey. And I’ve been very lucky as I’ve had some of the best teachers. I was taught and I learned the invocation which is chanted in Sanskrit at the beginning of Ashtanga practice. What this chant says in essence is to give thanks to those whom teach us. I’m personally thankful of that knowledge being passed on to me – it has been and continues to be life changing. It took me a long time to learn that Sanskrit invocation and I still chant it before practice. It’s kinda poetic justice that I would spend hours learning a chant that praises teachers – umm.

I had contacted him previously to see if he could take a look at my pranayama practice. Pranayama is becoming more prominent and more regular as a daily activity. Sometimes at the end of asana practice and days when I don’t do asana at all.

So we talked a little about my asana and pranayama practices. He affirmed my current practice and changed a couple of things. He’s the person whom taught me pranayama in the first place which again I am thankful for. I’ve been truly blessed to learn such things.

So to be back in studio learning these things, feeling the vibe, wallowing in that knowledge, with that peaceful, playful banter, felt so awesome again. I enjoyed it and I left restored.

I am time passed.

Thanks again Jeff.

Ahimsa
Be kind

What is progress

Back on January 6th I posted a story about progress versus perfection. In essence I railed against perfection and instead, I said to look for progress. But is progress required.

A few days ago I had to take my car in for service so I asked my daughter if she would pick me up at the shop. I don’t often get into the passenger side of a car but as I got in my daughter’s car I noticed something. I had to lift my right leg with my hand to get in. I’m getting in the passenger side so the left leg goes in first then I sit down, then lift my right leg in. I could not do it without using my hand to lift my leg in the car.

When I get in the drivers side my right leg goes in the car first and I don’t need any help putting in either leg – no issues there. It’s something I’ve always known that MS affects my right leg more than my left one. And I just found a new way of identifying this – who knew. And even in my practice there are indicators of this.

For years in Navasana (boat pose) my right big toe hooks onto my left big toe for support. It’s something I’ve done for years. It’s so second nature that I’d forgotten I was even doing that. And as I think about all the things that have changed since I first started my practice just about everything physical is not as it was. However as far as my interpretation of my practice, I’d say my practice is just as good if not better.

Part of that is because my goal for practice has changed or maybe a better term would be evolved. I don’t fret about doing Urdhva Dhanurasana (backbend) anymore ‘cause I don’t do it. I don’t worry about crashing out of Sirsasana (Headstand) either and you know the answer for that also. But I still practice. It still brings me to a place that’s enjoyable. It’s peaceful, calming, even therapeutic.

A younger me would strive to prove that I could do that backbend. And I did strive for years and years and I’ll say that I only “fully” accomplished it maybe five times. And even those five times my wrists were against the wall. I’ve never done a backbend without some form of support. But a backbend does not a practice make. Nor does it define who I am.

Lifting my leg with my hand does not define me either.

My first teacher was often heard to say that there is progress every day no matter how small. I used to view progress as physical but I’ve adjusted or modified that view. That same teacher was also heard to say that it’s required to smile at least once every practice – probably the best advice ever. The things that stay in this lesion filled brain – umm.

My practice is modified and that is not something that lends itself to physical progress. But progress is within the confines of my mind. And who says progress is an ingredient in a successful practice. I still find space and that is where those moments matter. It’s not revolutionary it’s an adjustment to how I view possibilities.

Ahimsa
Be safe

Baked sweet potatoes, tahini butter chickpeas, wilted kale,  and crispy garlic chilli oil with side salad. The vegan journey continues. Delicious.

Restorative Yoga

The last two years I’ve had more than one dangerous medical condition that could have done me in. I believe I’m lucky to still be alive (touch wood) and difficult to think of it that way but it’s how I’ve viewed it.

I was in and out of the hospital many times and for some reason I attempted to get on my mat every single time in between those visits. But it should be known that I could not do much of anything else. Physical activity is getting harder and harder.

I’ve never acknowledged the aging process yet I’m clearly smack dab in the deep deep denial of what is going on. I’ve had several doctors say to me “and you’re getting older”. It’s never been part of how I calculate what is happening to me – age? That can’t be fixed right. I can’t go in for surgery one morning and come out with it removed.

It’s kinda like MS; it slowly gets worse and there’s no known cure. Geez I’ve got two chronic deseases – ha. But just like MS there exists medication to slow the progress and that is eating healthy, thinking positively, and exercise. I try to employ all those components in my life and my only form of exercise I can do is yoga.

Yoga has come to my rescue. It’s become my respite, my solace, my hope.

Two weeks ago I got a call at 8:00am from my surgeon and the first thing he said to me was “ Hi it’s doctor so and so have you eaten anything yet” – no. A spot has just come open do you want to do the surgery today YES!

I’ve had a hernia for over a year which I believe was another gift from prostate removal. I’ve been waiting for surgery that long. A hernia is very uncomfortable and in my case it’s in my lower right abdomen. Caused by the bowels coming through the inner lining of the abdomen. It was about the size and shape of a small avocado – it was very uncomfortable.

At the beginning I decided to stay off the mat until after surgery but as I waited I realized that it would not be resolved quickly. So I decided to get back on the mat even though that could cause problems. My doctor told me if it became painful I should head to the emergency ward immediately. I was careful on the mat as I adjusted the asanas to not put too much strain in that area.

This morning I took off the steri strips and got back on my mat. It was only for a few minutes and I was careful not to put pressure on that area.

It felt and feels good to be back to conscious breathing with purpose. To gently activate those muscles again and for a very short time believe again in the possibilities. Yoga has always done that for me and I’m so very grateful that I was taught and learned that yoga is much more than a physical journey.

I’ve learned that no mater where I am physically, geographically, or spiritually I’m welcomed back to practice.

Ahimsa
Be safe

Patience

It’s been three weeks left to my own devices – home alone. I had a couple of goals which were to get back to regular practice and change to a plant based whole food diet. It is with some surprise that I have accomplished both. Yea I know it’s only been three weeks but the food part was easy except that I gained four pounds of which I did not expect.

And during this third week I have practiced five days out of seven. Each practice was at least 30 mins long with the longest being forty minutes. Full disclosure; I left out a couple of standing asanas and at the moment no vinyasas. Binding is also an issue as I can’t bind on several asanas but I’m getting more flexible and I’m sure I’ll be there in a few weeks. I’m following the Ashtanga sequence and today it included full closing (without Sirsasana (headstand)) I’m amazed.

Six weeks ago when I started to “force” myself on the mat it literally started with one sun salutation one day. Two the next and I just kept going. Doubt was my biggest road block as I thought I would not be able to do this any more. It has been a long time since I have practiced.

So I’ve become very optimistic about my practice and how far I can take it or how far it can take me. It’s like an infusion of potential – hook me up I’m ready to go.

Why is this important.

I’m in my late sixties with a recent diagnosis of “probable” secondary progressive MS and I wonder what should I be doing. Should I antagonize my body and piss off MS and make it worse and can I, or should I, even do this anymore. My neurologist told me to exercise – Yoga is my exercise. But it’s way more than that to me. It’s wisdom rolled up inside a mat, I unroll and find out.

It represents a freedom that I can compare to nothing else. MS limits me but my practice frees me from those confines. It was not always that way for me it took time to sink in. I knew at my very first lesson that this was for me but it took about ten months before it became clear about why. The breath is what did it. It was an epiphany in one moment in a class that freed me. Yea I know that sounds like BS but it was a moment I will never forget. And for all the teaching I have received that can not be taught. In my humble opinion it either happens or it doesn’t. However I will say the ambiance or the atmosphere created by the teacher contributes massively towards this discovery. And for that I’m very thankful.

Home practice makes this a little more difficult to move ahead. If a teacher was present the binds and folds would be a lot easier. But I don’t think it would be a great use of my time to go into a yoga studio for one or two sun salutations and I’m in no hurry. I’m optimistic though that someday I may be back at the studio for practice and that is something I thought would not happen again.

It’s important to not underestimate the power within; if I can do it… Get on your mat and

Be safe.

Twenty Minutes and Cheese

I’m alone at home for the next three weeks so I figured it would be the perfect time to focus on a couple of things. Working towards practicing on a regular basis again and adopting a plant based whole food diet.

I’ve been gradually getting on my mat over the last month as I started with one sun salutation one day. The next day I did two and then I took a day off phew – ha. To be honest it’s been difficult; it’s been a really long time since any kind of anything. I kinda had to push myself more than normal. It was more about doubt weather I can even do this anymore and do I even want to.

The answer on the second question is a definite yes. I love my practice and this morning I remembered why. I only did twenty minuets but wow I did twenty minuets – most I’ve done in over six months. It felt great I felt great. This morning was one of those practices that the physical requirements were outweighed by how my breath made me feel. First time in a long time my breath took me away. I felt really good.

And after todays practice result I’ve answered the first question; yes I can do this. There was lots of doubt about that and I doubt I’ll get back to where I was before, but ya never know. I have surprised myself and it took a long time to do that. I feel happy, good, and a little more flexible – ha.

But things have changed. I don’t get up at 5:00am and hit the mat at 6:00am anymore. It’s more like I get up at 6:30ish. Make some coffee, read the local paper, relax, and enjoy those moments. I now get on my mat around nine ish and I think the coffee before practice helps. I still wait an hour after my last coffee though – don’t want to puke. Sorry for that visual.

The thing I’m relearning is how the Ashtanga sequence works so well. It’s gradual and I’m following the asanas as prescribed. My flexibility and strength are slowly returning – it’s an uplifting feeling – it’s like I’m not done yet. I can tell you I feel good just to progress – it doesn’t take much these days.

And the second part of this three week experiment; going vegan or a better term for me would be plant based whole food is something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I’ve been a vegetarian or again a better term would be pescatarian for about fifteen years. I eat fish, eggs, and cheese. Cheese is on my favourite food – pizza. How will I survive without pizza – ha. I’ve had this cookbook for years called This Cheese Is Nuts and never employed it. I think it’s going to be working overtime.

Most times when I sign off my posts I say be safe and occasionally I will add Ahimsa. Ahimsa is a Sanskrit word meaning not to cause harm or non-violence. This means, as I interpret it to mean, all life including my own.

It’s a word I learned because of yoga and is tied to that experience. I can remember years ago at yoga class a spider walked onto someone’s mat. And the class basically stopped as the teacher safely maneuvered it under class. Picked it up opened up the duel doors and placed it outside. Back then I would of squished it and not thought a second about it. Today I would not even bother to move it unless it was in my way. I’d just blow it off my mat and let it go on it’s way.

Being plant based (you could say Ahimsa here) is part of this yoga journey but it’s not the impetus for this decision. I think it will be healthier for me to eat this way. There’s a little part of me that hopes some of my MS symptoms will fade away because of this. It’s kind of a last hope but I remain pragmatic.

I hope this three week experiment works out and becomes a beneficial lifestyle change. I don’t see why it won’t.

Be safe
Ahimsa

A Touchy Subject

Unless you specifically request not to be touched, hands on is part of the teaching process. At the beginning I was not used to being touched in order to learn something. Actually being touched in general was not something I was used to. I did not hug my friends or touch them when we met. Hugging my kids was about as far as I went. Or if I had a few beers I’d hug just about anyone or anything – ha – I’m Canadian eh!

Touching someone as a teacher is used to help alleviate the pressure, guide or manoeuvre, or bind someone in an asana that is difficult to hold. An example would be Adho Mukha Svanasana (downward facing dog). A teacher would apply a slight push to the sacrum to alleviate the weight or pressure on the wrists. Another example is a bind. This is most lightly to happen for Marichyasana C which is almost halfway though the primary series. The teacher will basically help twist you into position and hold you there while you take five breaths. Some will lock and hold you there others may wrap their arms around you and bind you in position.

I like being touched and as long as it’s consensual I would think most of us do. However I know that some don’t like being touched.

I have friends, believe it or not it’s true, a couple that we are friends with. I know the wife better as she was a co-worker but more of a friend of my wife. I know the husband but I’d say we’re not buddies – we don’t hang out. Once they came to visit us here in Victoria and at the airport I hugged the wife and I go to hug the husband and he pulls back and says oh we’re doing this – I still hugged him – maybe I shouldn’t have.

If I may take this jump; touching has changed how I view the world and this is due to Ashtanga and those whom taught / touched me. Quite a statement but it’s true. It’s a connection that can’t be achieved any other way.

I don’t want to wade into how touch can be bad – and I’ve had my own experience with that. However I’ve been lucky that all the touching I’ve had as a student has been good and appropriate. I’m sure that is not the case for all students in the yoga world.

I can remember a story, not sure if I read it or someone told me, but. This person would come to yoga every day. She had no one in her life and was alone. She went to classes mostly because at class she had that physical human connection. A yoga teacher would lay hands on her to help in some asanas. It was an important and necessary ingredient for her well being.

I love being touched if it’s consensual and my yoga experiences have all been that way no mater the sex of the teacher.

I know this topic can be a touchy subject, word play intended, but human contact for me has been an awakening of my own connection to the universe. Just holding a hand can open up an entirely new dimension to the vast openness of possibilities. No matter who’s hand it is on the other side of the hold. But some hands contain so much more information and provide a direct pathway to that abundance.

Sometimes the words that come out when I write this blog surprise me, just like the previous ones. It makes me think there’s quite a vastness going on in my head that I have absolutely no control over.

I would hope that kind of vastness is also available to you.

Yoga brought me here and I’m so happy that’s how it makes me feel. Ya I know.

Be safe