I’m not superhuman.
Below was written after practice on Monday January 18, 2021.
Twenty three days into this challenge and I’ve discovered that I am human after all. This morning I woke up and went to the kitchen but I could not grab the glass of water with my right hand. My right hand is locking up again and this is an MS symptom that I had when I was first diagnosed. To me this is a message about stopping my meds.
About a month ago a friend of mine asked me if I believed in miracles. It was a question that I did not answer. But I’ve been thinking about it almost every day since.
I looked up the definition in the dictionary and there are several types of miracles but I’m going to talk about two of them. The first one is something that Jesus does like feeding five thousand with two fish and five loves of bread. As you may be aware I do not believe in a God so when the question came up I automatically brought religion into my consciousness and I don’t believe in that kind of miracle.
The second one is something that happens that can’t be explained by natural occurrence. This type of miracle is like when someone is trapped under a car that weighs thousands of pounds, someone I love for example, and I summon up super human strength and pick up that car and save that person. After thinking about this type of miracle I’m leaning towards that is not a miracle either.
I believe in lots of things that I think are natural but others would think are miracles. I believe that my mind can produce results that might be considered a miracle – it isn’t. It’s within my natural abilities. It could be considered that my progress with yoga while dealing with MS is a miracle – it isn’t.
This morning MS reminded me who’s boss and it’s mostly out of my control. I’m not saddened by this as I’ve never had an illusion that I could magically defeat MS. I do get carried away by how my mind tries to make me think that I can fix myself through yoga – I can’t. I truly believe it has helped with certain parts of MS but it’s not going away. Yoga has brought me so much. I love these past eight years of practice. The progress I’ve made, the people I’ve met, the connection I’ve made.
For a person with MS yoga gives me something to move ahead with. Something to look forward too. The Mysore Challenge so far has been a look into how far I can push myself. Getting on my mat every day is somewhat daunting and this morning a bit lonely, but once I’m in motion I’m on my way. Physically I’m finding much improvement but MS is sending me a message.
My practice this morning was filled with way too much thought. So much thought that I did not realize I was finished.
It’s all been worth it and I’m sure it will continue to be so, but without a cure I need a miracle – ha.
Be safe