Dad Stories

This blog is about two topics (mostly) MS and Yoga. Yoga is where I dream, MS is where I live. Sometimes it gets a little serious so I thought I’d lighten it up by telling some stories about my dad. I have lots of them and I’m sure my brothers, my kids, and especially my mom have a bunch also, but these are a few of my stories. My brothers may know them or were there when it happened but I’m gonna tell ‘em the way I remember them.

Expensive Wine
One night my parents had friends over for dinner and my dad whom loves and knows wine polished off his fair share.

My brothers and I had all gone to bed before the guests left and I assume we had all fallen asleep by the time my parents went to bed – I had.

In the middle of the night I heard a bit of a ruckus as my dad came down the stairs to the bathroom. I could hear him mumbling and then I heard him puking. The wine was making a comeback. I heard the toilet flush and then I heard him shout “Mary!, come get mi teeth”(English accent intended). He’d barffed his false teeth out into the toilet. That was some expensive wine.

Nail Broth
I brought a my girlfriend home and introduced her to my parents. She was in the rec room with my dad watching tv. I’d made her a cup of tea. My dad decides it’s time to clip his nails. I’ll never know why he decided that was a good time. Later she tells me that one of those nail clippings flew up and landed in her cup of tea. How’s that for a first impression.

I became a goalie
When we first moved from England to Canada we lived in a rented house. I knew nothing about sports other than Cricket and Football (soccer). I’d never even seen hockey but I found a pair of skates, a hockey stick, and a Boston Bruins(1) hockey shirt in the basement. One day I took the skates, stick, and put on the jersey. I went to the end of the street to a frozen pond where I first learned how to skate. The skates were ancient and way to big so one Saturday morning my dad said we’re going to get a new pair of skates. He took me to Canadian Tire. But before we left he told me what clothes to wear and he wore some clothes that I noticed looked a little worse for wear, frayed, and old.

We get to the store and I try on a few pairs with the help of the salesman. My dad walks away with the salesman and has a chat. I’d love to have heard that one.

Later I found out that our clothing was geared towards getting a deal on the skates. He told the salesman that he did not have enough money and asked for a discount – he got one. I know he did’t have enough money but he got me the skates anyways.

Playing on a hockey team was one of my best experiences growing up – the characters in the dressing room and on the ice were unbelievable. And that whole clothing ruse was an elaborate plan that my dad concocted to get me a pair of skates. When I played I never heard anyone in the crowd but I always heard my dad. With a thick Northern English accent I heard him shout “open your eyes UMPIRE” to the referee.

Smoke That
At an executive meeting where everyone in the room was smoking and he had quit smoking many years before. In the middle of the meeting he pulls out a banana, eats it, and sticks the banana peel in the rooms only ashtray.

The Band
Lastly, when I was in my late teens I was in a band and we were trying to figure out a name. My dad hears about this and pulls out the dictionary and comes up with the name Hegemonic Blanket. We did not use it but the thing is, he spent the time trying to figure one out. I can see it now: ladies and gentlemen please welcome HEGEMONIC BLANKET! Yeah.

Dad made life interesting and those stories always put a smile on my face. Hopefully one of them put a smile on yours.

Be kind

(1) Somewhere a photo exists of me wearing that Boston Bruins jersey. A bit troublesome for a lifelong Habs, Montreal Canadians fan.