Just Naked Ambition

It’s the little things – ha

A little logistical background.

When I got home after my prostate and catheter were removed I leaked pee continuously, I had no control. So I had to wear a diaper to deal with that reality. In my bathroom the toilet is located about two feet from the shower door. It’s basically one step from the door to the toilet seat which is the target of this endeavour.

This journey requires preparation. I would wad up some toilet paper before I went into the shower and place it on the window sill which I can reach without getting out of the shower. I’d also place a prepared diaper within reach of the toilet. I’d towel off in the shower being carful not to get too close to where I’m leaking from until the last towel wipe.

Towel stays in the shower I reach for the toilet paper wad and apply it to my penis while I take the step to the toilet and sit down. All the while I’m still leaking but it’s being soaked up by the applied toilet paper.

Toilet paper goes in the toilet and I’m still leaking. I reach for the diaper with my other hand place my feet in the holes and pull up. I stand up wash my hands get dressed and place the towel in the hamper to be washed. Wash my hands again. Check to see if I dripped anywhere else and clean up. Wash my hands again.

That was then,

This is now.

I can walk around naked and not worry about it. It’s not a pretty site with a scar from the bottom of my breast bone to the top of my pubic bone interrupted by my stunningly beautiful navel – ha. Not to mention the damage of sports injuries, 24 years of injection site reactions, and age.

I’m not walking around the house naked it’s just in the bathroom. I no longer leak.

It’s been seven months since my prostate was removed and I’ve been wearing diapers or pads since then. It’s a reality of the fallout of this surgery. But now I can walk around naked and not worry about leaking. That feeling is surprisingly awesome. It’s amazingly simple to walk around naked but not so if you can’t control your pee. I had never thought about that until I could not.

Today I’m pretty much leak free except sometimes when I cough, sneeze, or fart. Yea that’s right farting causes me to leak. Yoga is also a challenge to be leak free. Imagine your heel pressed as tightly as possible against your navel – this is bladder country. Then wrap your arms around yourself and pull tighter. At some point there’s going to be leakage.

But I have been practicing for a while now and I’ve learned at which points in my practice I’m going to leak. And the good thing about that is I know when it’s going to happen. I can employ a form of Moola Bandha to hold the pee in. It’s the awareness that keeps me mostly dry. But even the awareness and trying to hold it is not 100% effective. I still leak occasionally; however, it’s much much better than when I first started and it continues to improve.

And it’s funny how my brain works. When I raise my right leg to bend at the knee in Marichyasana “A” I can feel leakage. It does not happen on the left leg just the right one. Why is that. It’s weird that my brain signals to pee when I raise my leg. Am I related to another animal; is Darwin’s theory wrong – ha.

Recovery from prostate cancer has its challenges and made me aware of such a simple thing as being naked. It’s a tiny win and such an enjoyable revelation. And there are others such as drying off after a shower. My towel stays clean enough to use again.

I can not emphasize enough how good it feels to be naked. It represents so much more than the actual sensation – which in all honesty feels absolutely fantastically awesome.

It’s the little things.

Take care