Memory is the mystery behind my thoughts.
Not long ago I asked one of my daughters how did you find out I have MS? Kinda weird eh. She said my wife told her so that’s why I can’t remember telling her because I didn’t. As I think back about it, and my story has always been; I only told my wife and four friends when diagnosed. Four years later I told my parents. So that means I’m remembering it correctly. I did not tell my kids because I did not want them to worry.
I’ve blogged about how MS affected my memory before and the above story is an illustration of how it affects me. It not only affects memory it also affects confidence. Did I remember it correctly, did I forget it, or as in this case I did remember it correctly. And to be completely honest I do remember things in my past correctly. It’s mostly the short term stuff that I forget and that’s probably partially due to my lack of attention – ha – but mostly MS.
My short term memory is actually better than it used to be and it’s getting better. I’ve been trying to remember the invocation for years and I have finally remembered it. Over the last few weeks I have been able to recite from start to finish every practice – that’s progress – big progress. I guess it’s no longer short term memory it’s long term because I’ve been trying to remember it for so long – ha.
And something else I learned; before MS I did not give much thought to the energy that is required to think. It’s not the kind of connection I would make. Physical work makes me tired but I discovered early on in the MS journey that thinking takes energy too. In fact for me, thinking is one of the most tiring things I can do. So memory is hard work for me and the process of trying to store stuff in my head is a difficult and tiring process – pulling it back out can also be draining.
For me this is part of the memorizing process, it’s a tiring process to store and retrieve. And it’s strange because my mind is always active – it just goes and goes – but that’s not thinking. It’s just uncontrollable unrelated gibberish that most times goes away when I practice.
My short term memory has improved since yoga and I have talked about this in other posts. I believe it will continue to get better just like my physical practice; the more I work at it the better it gets. It’s good to stay positive because what other choice do I have.
I’ve finally remembered the invocation from start to finish and it has taken years. Yes that’s correct years. You might think it would be frustrating for it to take that long to remember approximately 21 words albeit in a different difficult language and one word can be many words but progress is progress. It’s similar to my physical practice; progress can be very small but it’s still progress. I’m happy to have done this and it shows the process is worth it.
Yoga has taught me many things and patience is one of them. So my learning process continues and my short term memory is a work in progress.
Progress being the key word.
Be safe.
This is very cool.