Don’t poke the bear
During this challenge that is exactly what I did and it took a pretty big swipe. The decision to get off my meds was based on discussions I’ve been having for years with my neurologist. This is the third time I’ve stopped and then started again. Einstein was mistakenly attributed to the quote that the definition of insanity is to do the same thing over and over again and expect a different result – I must be insane – I’m definitely not Einstein – ha.
I was feeling really good about stopping my meds this time however it was a mistake – again.
The decision to stop was made on its own merit and not with any other influences. I did not make the decision with the idea that now I can do this challenge. It was made independently and way before the idea of the challenge came to mind.
I was due to have an MRI in early December but I canceled it because I was reticent about going into the hospital during COVID. So there was no MRI information to add to this decision process.
It may sound like an irresponsible choice but as I’ve said this was the third time I’ve made this choice. And the side effects of this medication was / is a pain to say the least and I talked myself into it because I was feeling good how my MS was going – probably due to the medication – duh.
I stopped the meds four weeks prior to the challenge and I started the challenge because of a couple of reasons. The first was because of additional weight gain due to COVID and the holiday treats and over consumption of everything. The second was because my practice was becoming regressive. I was unable to bind in postures that I’ve been binding in for years. There was also a thought about travel to India and the Mysore challenge is based on practicing there on a daily bases but I’m thinking it’s unlikely that I will ever make it there…..
It was Monday January 18th that MS (the bear) took its first swipe but I was able to get through full practice however by Wednesday I was shocked or I might say scared that MS took some bigger swipes. Wednesday’s practice was the first time and only time during the challenge that when I stepped on my mat; doubt was in my mind. And although I practiced I made the decision to only do half primary. Every other day I did full primary plus a few asanas from second series.
At this point I knew I would have to restart my meds and as I evaluated the coming days I eventually decided to start my meds on Saturday night. This put the challenge in doubt as I’d have to practice during the side effects.
Getting up on that morning I’m immediately evaluating how I’m doing. I really thought hard about whether to start and even after my shower it was still doubtful if I would get on my mat. But I only have four more days to go and then the challenge is complete – I can’t stop now. So I got on my mat, invoked the chant, and on I went.
I’m impressed by my own determination to complete this quest and equally so that it’s through such a pleasurable, relaxing, progressive journey that is Ashtanga. A perfect journey for me, a person with MS.
It may sound irresponsible to participate in this challenge and to push myself while stopping my medication at the same time. One was not precipitated by the other. I was off my meds for four weeks and feeling good. MS was still at bay and I was feeling good about my decision to stop.
So when I looked at the weigh scale on Boxing Day and saw what I saw I knew I had to do something. The Mysore challenge was the perfect vehicle. Normally I would not try this if I was taking my meds, but I was off and feeling good so that’s why I did it.
This blog is about my journey and decisions I make be they right or be they wrong, I leave that up to you to discern. I would not recommend stopping medication to anyone. I’ve had MS now for almost 25 years and I’ve been injecting medication for most of that time. I’ve been at it so long that I have a good understanding of how my body responds and what I’m capable of.
The top line of this post says don’t poke the bear and that’s probably good advice. But every once in a while you got to poke it to see if it’s still alive.
However I want to be clear that I am not recommending quitting medication. I’m a massive believer in how medicine can help. And if you need any evidence of that you need not look any further than me. I’m a living, breathing, enthusiastic example – for 25 years!
Be safe