MS Journey #17

Abstract

(Warning: swears ahead)

Let’s say space is the same temperature as my body and I can breathe there. And I’m floating there naked and nothing is coming into contact with my skin; would I feel MS. I’m not sure but it’s an interesting thought process that incorporates the senses in weather what’s happening is actually happening.

I have muscles that work and when I walk they physically work. They are there, they move, they lift, they carry. So if my brain receives a signal that they are not strong enough to walk, I don’t walk even though they are strong enough to walk. The signal is a lie that my brain believes. Why do I have to believe that signal. Why can’t I say fuck you to that signal I’m not paying attention to you. I’m going to walk. And just to be succinct I’d love to say fuck you to that and the other signals MS is sending.

If I try to stretch a muscle and it physically can’t do that my muscle sends a signal you can’t do that, warning me not to do it. But if I did not pay attention to that signal I would snap or tear that muscle. The physical nature of the muscle does not change. The signal will tell me not to stretch past it’s stretching point. But I can ignore that signal and actually tear the muscle.

Why can’t I do the opposite. Why can’t I ignore the message that I can’t walk anymore. There is nothing stopping me other than that signal. My muscles are not deteriorating it’s just a signal telling me they are and in turn I can’t walk.

So I’m naked floating in space, I have no sensations, nothing is touching me, not even air. My muscles are bearing no weight or strain. From a physical point of view only – do I have MS? I do, but I don’t know it.

There are times in practice when that happens. A place where I’m floating where there are no MS signals. A place like in space – a respite. A place where I connect through a hand, a breath, a vibe. Are they all illusions that are refusing to acknowledge the signal. Or is it a signal that I want to feel, just where I want to be, to be away from here, to be there, to be without those sensations.

On this months blog on the yoga side I talk about Paschimotasana and Sirsasana. Paschimotasana is a key learning point in my teaching and yoga journey. It’s a very important asana to me as that is one of the places where I float away. And when I practice it’s a chance to be without those sensations or may I say to be complete.

I was never tested but I’m sure I had COVID in March last year as I lost my sense of smell and taste for three days. Does that mean that the banana bread did not smell anymore. Does that mean that it does not taste anymore. It’s just a signal an alternate reality if you will. It’s all working but a signal is telling me it is not.

Can I think on a different plane or dimension or can I stop and ignore the signal. Can my brain solve the problem without any external intervention.

I wish I could… and some day, in the future, I believe we will.

However there are some times in practice I think I’m already there – and that is what draws me in.

Be Safe