Can I tell you a secret
My decision to keep my MS diagnosis mostly to myself was primarily based on not wanting to be treated differently. I just wanted to continue as I always have; doing my job, providing for my family, continuing my daily life. Maybe it’s a form of denial I’m not sure. However this is how I proceeded and at the beginning if people noticed something wrong with me I just shrugged it off as something temporary.
In a sense it is temporary as I was initially diagnosed with Relapsing Remitting Multiple Sclerosis. You have an attack or relapse and eventually it remits. You get some if not all the functionality back. In my case I got some back but not all. Each attack takes more and more away.
As an example my first attack completely numbed my left foot and locked my right hand. It came up my left leg to just under my knee. This part, my ankle to just under my left knee, was not completely numb; I could still feel it but it felt weird and it tingled. It was noticeable because when I walked I dragged my left leg. I made up some excuse, can’t remember what it was, that hid the true reason. Both legs still tingle to this day. But I do not drag my left leg and although I don’t have all the sensation back in my foot it does not feel like a block of wood anymore.
I had two attacks and at that time this qualified me for a pilot program to test Bataseron. This is a drug that you inject subcutaneously every second day. It is not a cure but it slows the progress of the disease. This pilot program lasted a year and at the end of the program the drug was added to the Manitoba formulary, where I was living at the time.
I sometimes wonder if I had discovered yoga back then if things would have been different. I know that it would not have cured me but I’m pretty sure it would have helped with some of the symptoms I was having back then.
Before yoga; when I went to the bulk section of the grocery store you have to mark the code of the item on the bag. The distance, about two meters, from the bin to where I wrote the number was enough time for me to forget even two digits of the number. The other day I picked up a five digit bun at the beginning of my shopping trip and remembered the number at checkout. The cashier jokingly said “I knew you wouldn’t let me down”. If she only knew.
I know my mind is clearer now but can I attribute that to yoga. My answer is definitely yes. I’m not part of a 500 person scientific study it’s just me. I’m pretty sure it’s because of yoga that my memory is better. I’m positive that I’m physically stronger, more flexible, more calm, and generally healthier than before yoga. So I wonder what would have been possible if I had started yoga back when I was first diagnosed. Sort of the reason for this blog. I want to get this message to the MS community or anyone else wanting to participate in an unscientific study – ha.
Almost seven years ago when I told my yoga teacher(s) I have MS it was the beginning of a disclosure that I feel benefited us all. We have all learned something. Today I have a blog that discusses my MS and Ashtanga yoga experiences in an effort to help other MS’ers and Ashtangi’s. A far cry from keeping my diagnosis to myself.
No longer a secret.