MS Journey #35

Dream

“The dreamer, the unwoken fool,
In dreams, no pain will kiss the brow.
The love of ages fills the head”… (1)

I don’t think I’m going to win but I bought the lotto ticket anyway. There’s a chance right – I could win.

I try to represent and live my MS and Yoga Journey in a positive light. It’s kinda how I survive what has and is happening. I’m not fooling myself I’ve always known where this MS journey is going but I am a dreamer. I’ve got to live on the optimistic side of things or what is the point.

On the other side of this blog, I write about how yoga greased the pathway. It has taken me away from what is always there. It gave me hope and provided space to dream. To forget who I am, to believe in a different me, and to embrace what was always there. For sure it opened me up.

I found that yoga was not only physically, mentally, and spiritually beneficial, but it allowed me to dream. To believe in the possibilities. I stuck at it and committed to a daily practice. It’s my opinion yoga is perfect for those of us with MS as it’s gentle, physical, and calming. And you can go at your own pace but you have to stick to it. The benefits are many and are realized if you commit.

However I’ve been confronted with other health issues not MS related that have caused my MS to get worse much faster than I’m used to. And I’m at the point where my practice is almost non existent and MS is getting worse. I still maintain a pranayama practice but asana has basically disappeared. I’ve tried many many times to restart it but I keep running into road blocks. Both MS and my practice depend on each other. One without the other causes the other to get worse and vice versa (sounds like something baseball’s Yogi Berra might say).

The dream is getting more difficult to experience. I’ve often thought during this time when do I stop trying. Every morning I go down to the basement just to open the blinds on the windows. My mat is laid flat and waiting for me. I make a point of walking on it even though I’m not going to practice – it feels good on my feet when not much else does. It has a stabilizing affect. It’s grounding, familiar, enjoyable. It represents the dream. Sometimes I stay and stand at Samasthiti bring my hands together and just breathe purposefully. Sometimes I chant the invocation and sometimes I start sun salutations. Sometimes I just keep on walking, go upstairs make a coffee and read the local paper – a simple pleasure.

But I’m not going to give up. One day one sun salutation will turn into two. Then two into three. Three will turn into four…

I’m not sleeping I’m wide awake and I am no fool. But I do not dream while I sleep rather while I live.

And it’s important for me to let you know that even though I have MS I am fortunate as I can still walk, talk, I’m independent, have enough money to survive, roof over my head, have family and friends, and I can still think clearly (some my disagree – ha). But I realize that can change. We are all different and get affected by MS differently. I would highly recommend yoga, especially Ashtanga(2), just take it in at your own pace – that is what I am currently doing.

Be safe

(1) Eldorado Overture, Jeff Lynne, Electric Light Orchestra
There’s tons of songs about dreaming but this one fit my story and I saw them perform it live in 1975 at Place des Nations in Montreal. I was 20.

(2) Why I recommend Ashtanga is because I know it but mostly because it’s a program. You learn it you own it – it’s yours. Good teachers are very important in this journey and only you can make that determination. I was incredibly fortunate.

On a serious note: Maui has a special connection to Ashtanga Yoga as there are a few legends that live in or around Lahaina. The devastation I’ve seen on TV is shocking.