MS Journey #43

All shook up continued.

I’m feeling a little guilty about stopping my vegan journey. It was a hard and an easy decision. I thought I’d explain it a little more.

About eleven months ago I decided to eat a plant based diet. I became a vegan and I posted about it on this my blog about yoga and MS. It was in its essence an attempt at possibly feeling better. MS has a far reaching impact on how I feel and I wanted to see if changing to plant based food would improve that.

Veganism is also an extension of my yoga journey. I’m trying not to stereotype here I’m explaining partially how I arrived – all yogis are not vegan far from it. I learned the word Ahimsa in my yoga journey it’s part of yoga philosophy. Ahimsa roughy translated means non violence or not to cause harm to other living beings including oneself. I will admit there is the occasional wolf spider that I will not be so nice too. Scares the bejesus out of me. However Ahimsa is a philosophy I aspire to. So it’s not a stretch to tie Ahimsa to being vegan. But again that was not my reason for choosing to eat plant based food.

I discovered yoga late in my life but I embraced it with all I could muster. It has and continues to be the learning experience of my life. I try to live through that experience and share how it has improved some of my MS symptoms and how it changed how I view life in general. It has had a profound impact so that is why this blog exists.

The vegan extension while living in a non-vegan environment was relatively easy but it’s only been three days since I reverted back to being vegetarian that I’ve realized how constricted I was. It’s work to stay vegan from a choices point of view. In my last post I said that I don’t hang with a bunch of vegans. That statement was meant to indicate that if I did, the process would have been so much easier and inclusive.

As the only vegan in my circle “pressure” was on others to ensure that there was a vegan option when we got together for food. Pressure is a strong word but I think you get what I mean. I have to say that I was made to feel included and for that I am very grateful and appreciative. And there is a reverse to that in I’m the cook in this house and vegan food made its way onto others plates whom are not vegan. Not sure how they felt about that I did not ask.

Why am I going on about this. Well, I also said in my last post that I felt like I betrayed the vegan community. Maybe betrayed is too strong a word – disappointed is probably better. Being vegan to me felt like a responsibility and that is why it took me so long to stop. I’d realized the benefits I was looking for were not happening a couple of months ago. Being vegan, in my mind, was beginning to not be about health but about a cause. That was not what I intended.

Vegan food is delicious, inventive, fresh, and tasty. I love it. I made myself a vegan wrap yesterday morning for breakfast – yummy. As a long time vegetarian I’m almost vegan anyway. Eggs and dairy are everywhere in food and are the biggest toughest part to be vegan from a vegetarian point of view.

And when I went to pick up that muffin for my wife at a non-vegan bakery I stared into that display case and looked at all those amazing delicious looking treats that I can’t eat because of eggs or dairy. And it all came crashing down and in that instant I said to myself this is ridiculous and I got two muffins. One for her and one for me. That was the end of my vegan journey.

In the last couple of days of non veganism I’ve been almost shocked how I no longer have to figure out if my choice is vegan. It’s blown me away. I hadn’t realized how much effort went into figuring out if it’s vegan. It feels almost like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. It has been shockingly freeing. Who knew.

After I ate that muffin I started to think about it and I felt a little bit guilty. I don’t like giving up on something but I’m also results oriented. I know I made the right choice. And maybe this post is about making myself feel less guilt and more resolve.

I’ll give anything a try, because MS is relentless in its objective. But I’m relentless in mine.

Yoga helps
Ahimsa
Be kind