MS Journey

MS Journey

When I was diagnosed with MS I was in the middle of managing a very large system implementation which included major process change for marketing, buying, and finance at the company where I was working.

I was diagnosed at 10:00am and back in the office within an hour. As I have said on my beginnings page the neurologist said you have MS but don’t worry you will probably live till 90 and die of cancer. What a thing to say. I’ll give him the benefit of the doubt: he was trying to comfort me by saying that your not going to die at least not of MS. He did tell me that there was promise of a new drug that slowed down the progress of the disease.

I knew nothing about MS and I was so busy with work that I really did not give it much thought. I was given a few pamphlets on what MS is and what to expect but it did not resonate. At this point I was experiencing only a few symptoms – nothing that concerned me. It took a long time for me to absorb this diagnosis and really did not start to sink in until more symptoms began revealing themselves.

As I began to understand the disease I thought about if this is hereditary. I have three biological kids, six in total, and the thought of this being passed on to them was very concerning. I have a brother with Chronic Fatigue Syndrome which is similar in some way to MS. Somewhere in the genetics this exists. However it is not likely that my kids will get MS. A 3 to 5 percent chance exists and so I don’t worry about it. I can’t advise them on how to avoid it; because that advice does not exist.

Not knowing what causes MS and no cure available, life becomes a trip through the unknown. It’s so unpredictable and just about different for everyone. Waking up in the morning is always an unknown quantity. You wonder why do my legs feel this way today is it going to get worse. Is it the beginning of an attack, am I moving  into another phase where it gets worse. Will I still be walking in a year from now.

I have been dealing with MS since 1997, a lot of getting ups. I’ve learned that you can’t change what is happening to you so let life be what life can be. It’s up to you, just you no one else. You can still love someone, you can still fall in love, someone can love you, you can help others, it goes on and on.

So this diagnosis, at that point in time, represented to me just something I would have to deal with. I was not fatalistic about it, I think maybe to be truthful; ignorance was bliss. I went about my life as I always do. I have responsibilities. So as the saying goes, if life gives you lemons, go to the pub – ha.