TAB-ER-NAC

I was in the hospital recovering from surgery to remove my prostate (1). I was moved from surgical recovery to a ward. In my room there are three other people. One of whom is listening to TV quite loud. It’s around 4:00pm.

I get settled in, my wife comes to visit, how are you blah, blah, blah. She notices also that the TV is loud. She heads out around 7:00pm. TV is still loud.

It’s around 9:00pm and the TV is still loud. I’m starting to wonder about the vibe in this room as no one has asked him to turn it down.

We have not talked yet but I can tell he is from Quebec and has a particular French accent, Joual. He also speaks perfectly fluid English which I can’t do in French. I know this because he’s had several loud conversations on his phone in French and English. Joual is considered a working class form of Quebec French. I am working class and worked with lots of people that use that colourful language. It sounds rough and loud with lots of religious swear words. I know these words because I have used them often – they are great words that roll perfectly off the tongue. I was born in North West England but I consider Montreal my home town.

Many of the swear words are religious based and he’s using them often in his French conversations on the phone. I’m not sure if he is aware of this but the person in the bed next to him is a pastor in his late 80’s. The guy in the bed next to me is very quite and nice – he offered to help me do something that I could not do by myself. So that’s the room.

Around 9:30pm the TV is still loud. The nurse comes in and I ask her what’s his name and can she please pull back my curtain. She pulls back my curtain but won’t tell me his name as it’s a privacy thing and by the look on her face she knows what I’m about to do. In English and French I ask him politely if he could please use earphones (2) so that we all don’t have to hear it. He does not reply but turns it down a little – he says nothing. I look at the nurse and she said that she will talk to him later. But she is saying something else to me with her eyes.

Later that night I speak quietly with the nurse and ask her not to bother him – she looked like the weight of the world had been lifted.

Throughout the night the TV stays on and he is in a great deal of pain all night – they won’t give him any more pain medication.

Next day.

I could hear her coming from way down the hall but I could not see her. I could tell she was well dressed just by the confident purposeful cadence of her high heeled shoes and unaware as I was, I knew she was coming to this room.

She turned the corner into our room and walked across the front of my bed leaned up against the wall and pulled back his curtain. She spoke the first two sentences in French and then the rest of the conversation was in English. They know each other well.

She speaks with incredible confidence and is very easy to understand. She is succinct, commanding, knowledgeable. I figured all that out in less than five minuets.

Earlier this morning he refused to have his blood taken and told the nurses no more needles.

She opened the discussion by asking him why and a 15 minute conversation about assisted death took place. It was not hushed or quiet. Everyone in the room heard the deeply personal, emotional, amazing conversation. About 30 seconds into the conversation I started to cry. Tears poured down my face for the whole discussion while this intense, totally intelligent human conversation happened. You could have heard a pin drop. I felt like I was eavesdropping. But weirdly enough I felt privileged to hear it. I was also inspired by how this doctor guided the conversation. She really knows her stuff.

After the discussion was over and the doctor left, I waited for a bit; I thought maybe the pastor would kick in and say something but nothing was said. So I said that I felt sorry that we all had to hear this deeply personal process. Why are you sorry he said. And that started another twenty minute conversation between the two of us that opened me up to an understanding of his peace.

I loved it.

I will never forget what happened that afternoon.

Take care

(1) Surgery went well and I’m now home recovering.
(2) When my wife visited later that afternoon she brought a bag of earphones we have. Free ones from flights and ones that the kids left. I gave them to the nurse who passed onto him. A pair worked and no more TV was heard.

He said “Thanks buddy”
“You’re welcome”

I learned so much that day