As I look around the room.
Note:
I wrote this story at the beginning of December but things have changed significantly since then. On December 23rd the studio was closed due to the prevalence of the Omicron variant here in Victoria, BC – the whole world. This story is about being with others but as I post, that is not possible. The studio is expected to reopen in approximately one month.
As you read it think about what it might feel like to not worry about the air you breathe – kinda like I was feeling when I wrote it.
I will maintain a home practice until I / we return and start over again.
As I look around the room.
I see strength, hope, struggle, accomplishment, peace, satisfaction, and help. I hear breath, laughter, and guidance. I feel warmth and peace.
I usually keep to myself when I practice and don’t pay to much attention to what is going on around me. Lately though I’ve become a little retrospective and I’ve been looking around.
Even as I walk up the stairs the thoughts are starting. How long can I keep doing this. The word can is the optimal word here and I want to do this for as long as I can – there’s that word again.
I’ve thought several times this past year of no longer maintaining my practice. There is an end to this journey and my practice has devolved significantly since the beginning of 2021.
January last year was probably the best my overall practice has ever been. I had just completed a 30 day Mysore challenge and was feeling great. I was so surprised at how good I was feeling. There were still asanas I could not do but there were some that I could do that previously I could not. But it was my spirit that was at its best because I felt so physically strong.
Then a cascade of events accumulated over the year that caused me to put my practice on the back burner for most of the year. I would practice when I could but that was no where near often enough. And as practice gets further and further apart it gets harder and harder to maintain. An unmaintained practice does gather moss.
Sunshine is what I need and that metaphor is where I am. I’m here looking around. That person over there is where I am; she is feeling exactly what I’m feeling – I can see it in her eyes. That guy over there is struggling to do what I am struggling to do. That person over there is realizing he’s going to get it back. That person is new and she is trying to make something better. This person here (me) is feeling the communal effect of returning to studio practice.
It does feel good to practice with others again. I’m at a different studio than before the pandemic – that one is now closed. However there are some familiar faces here but mostly new.
It’s a complicated environment to be practicing together during these times but I feel confident that I’m safe along with the others that are here. Because I’m immunocompromised (MS), I received a third dose of the Moderna vaccine about three months ago. And because we have COVID protocols in place where we practice, and a communal responsibility, I’m satisfied that they value my safety as mulch as I value theirs.
Practicing with others is mutually beneficial. We all know that we are here because we are trying to improve, maintain, fix something, find solace, get help, or be a part of a community, etc. Some of us are here to find peace. Nobody judges me here except me. I’m my worst critic and that just plays into why I’m here. To get the support and help I need and to enjoy the company.
I came back approximately four months ago and it’s taken that long to begin to feel comfortable again. To start to feel good about my practice and about being here. I do have a long way to go to get back to where I was a year ago. And I may never get back there but I’m here trying and getting the help I need – from everyone.
Be safe