Yoga does not care
Yoga has provided an avenue for me to meet new people, stimulate my mind, and provided space to look inwards. Yoga showed me a different way to pursue my inner beliefs and showed or allowed me to be me. I became physically stronger, more flexible, and most times I enjoy the time I spend on my mat.
I believe if I had found yoga in my twenties I would have followed a different path. I’m not saying that path would have been any better it just would have been different. In a conversation with a teacher; she said to me, we arrive where we arrive in our own time (paraphrased). In other words I was not ready for yoga back then.
As I became more involved in yoga I wanted to teach – I still do. But that will never happen again as this body of mine is pretty much destroyed. MS is an untrustworthy partner when it’s comes to teaching. However it’s an enigma to me that of all the things I can’t do these days, I can still practice(1) and that is quite amazing.
When I was at teacher training (2017) the teacher talked about God and or the Devine. I don’t remember exactly what he said but I remember how it made me feel. Can I be a good yogi if I am an atheist. I was upset and I went and sat cross legged in front of him after that talk and I told him that I do not believe in God. He asked me if I was agnostic or atheist I said atheist. We talked a little and he ended up by saying you never know you may be surprised some day. He didn’t say it’s ok to be an atheist – in my mind he was saying you still have a chance to be saved – that’s how I interpreted that very short conversation.
I felt like I was looking for some kind of absolution and in a way I was but why. I am unique. There is not another one of me. Do I need to be looking for something, some higher being, a God. No I don’t, I am enough.
I still regard this teacher as a person I respect and admire but I would never follow him over a cliff. I would never follow anyone over a cliff. And therein lies the rub. I have no Gods and that has always been part of my nature. I make my own and own my choices. I don’t use religion to defend, filter, or interpret how I think. I know that I’m a moral person and religion played no role in that result.
I hold no ill will against those that do believe. In fact I admire those friends that I know believe in something else whatever that may be. To me those friends represent positivity. It makes me happy that they do believe. It makes me think that they are whole, fulfilled, sure. That is a great way to feel. I’m almost envious but it’s not how I think or feel. I truly believe that the life I’m living is my only life, there is nothing after for me and I’m ok with that.
I’ve said this often on this blog and I’ll say it again. Yoga provided me the opportunity to look within, to figure out what I’m about. Yoga does not care about your or my beliefs. It’s a vehicle for self discovery. And although I practice and honour an old and traditional form of yoga. It’s through a lens of my life in the 21st century.
Take care
(1) I’m still working on getting back to full primary; it’s taking longer than I thought. I have also slowed it down a bit as I take the time to chant the invocation, do my asana practice, do daily pranayama practice, and I respect and follow what I was taught. It’s ritualistic, sensitive, compassionate, and enjoyable.