What is progress
Back on January 6th I posted a story about progress versus perfection. In essence I railed against perfection and instead, I said to look for progress. But is progress required.
A few days ago I had to take my car in for service so I asked my daughter if she would pick me up at the shop. I don’t often get into the passenger side of a car but as I got in my daughter’s car I noticed something. I had to lift my right leg with my hand to get in. I’m getting in the passenger side so the left leg goes in first then I sit down, then lift my right leg in. I could not do it without using my hand to lift my leg in the car.
When I get in the drivers side my right leg goes in the car first and I don’t need any help putting in either leg – no issues there. It’s something I’ve always known that MS affects my right leg more than my left one. And I just found a new way of identifying this – who knew. And even in my practice there are indicators of this.
For years in Navasana (boat pose) my right big toe hooks onto my left big toe for support. It’s something I’ve done for years. It’s so second nature that I’d forgotten I was even doing that. And as I think about all the things that have changed since I first started my practice just about everything physical is not as it was. However as far as my interpretation of my practice, I’d say my practice is just as good if not better.
Part of that is because my goal for practice has changed or maybe a better term would be evolved. I don’t fret about doing Urdhva Dhanurasana (backbend) anymore ‘cause I don’t do it. I don’t worry about crashing out of Sirsasana (Headstand) either and you know the answer for that also. But I still practice. It still brings me to a place that’s enjoyable. It’s peaceful, calming, even therapeutic.
A younger me would strive to prove that I could do that backbend. And I did strive for years and years and I’ll say that I only “fully” accomplished it maybe five times. And even those five times my wrists were against the wall. I’ve never done a backbend without some form of support. But a backbend does not a practice make. Nor does it define who I am.
Lifting my leg with my hand does not define me either.
My first teacher was often heard to say that there is progress every day no matter how small. I used to view progress as physical but I’ve adjusted or modified that view. That same teacher was also heard to say that it’s required to smile at least once every practice – probably the best advice ever. The things that stay in this lesion filled brain – umm.
My practice is modified and that is not something that lends itself to physical progress. But progress is within the confines of my mind. And who says progress is an ingredient in a successful practice. I still find space and that is where those moments matter. It’s not revolutionary it’s an adjustment to how I view possibilities.
Ahimsa
Be safe