Yoga Journey #50

3 x 20 = Symmetry

My practice has evolved into a symmetrical existence that feels just about right. I no longer push myself into asanas that cause initial discomfort. When a difficult asana comes up in the sequence I’m much more patient and kind when it comes to binding or contorting myself – Ahimsa ya. I have come to terms with my body, my age, my denial.

I’m changing my opinion about who I need to be. I had this idea that I would get my practice back to where it was before prostate surgery. I set myself a goal that I would do Sirsasana (headstand) again before my next birthday. And maybe I will but I’ve realized that is an unnecessary goal and it’s something I’ve always known about yoga. There are no goals, no targets, no milestones. I’ve learned that the universe is unpredictable and exists at its own peril. That kinda sounds ominous but when I practice I’m not at the beginning, I’m not in the middle, I’m not at the end, I’m at the centre of the universe.

That may sound a bit hefty or arrogant but you can’t prove me wrong just as I can’t prove you’re not the centre of the universe. Dynamically I believe we all are. It’s all about balance and that is where I have arrived. Funny eh, a guy with MS is all about balance – ha.

I’ve been practicing Ashtanga for over eleven years and I’ve been blogging about that journey for the last five of those years. I’ve learned and gained so much from doing asanas and breathing consciously.

My practice has never been stagnant and continues to evolve. It changes with me and fits to my situation whatever that may be. It’s kinda stretchy – ha. It allows me the space I need to feel accomplished at something. That may sound a bit self congratulatory but it’s necessary. Getting on the mat takes courage some days. What will I find out. What will I do when I hit a roadblock. Will I give up. What the hell does giving up even mean.

So I’m here at a balanced practice. Again the guy with MS is talking about balance. However my practice continues to work for me which in all its forms has always been that way and meets me where I am.

I arrived here by accident. I wanted to reincorporate pranayama in my daily practice. It’s become a more significant component in my daily practice you might say it’s become an equal partner. And the other day I found out how equal.

I time my practice. When I start, I turn on the stopwatch on my phone. I’ve done this for years at home practice. It was a way for me to determine how I’m recovering(when I had to) and if I’m forgetting some asanas. That may sound weird but I can tell by the length of my practice if I’ve forgotten something. This was especially the case when I had to restart my practice. For me it works.

So on the stopwatch I can use the lap function to breakup sections of practice. I did this to time asana and pranayama. Asana is basically the same duration but pranayama has been getting longer. My teacher added some stuff and I have extended Kapalabhati (skull shining) which is a Kriya or cleansing technique usually done before pranayama. I consider it part of my pranayama practice.

So the other day I used the lap function to time standing asanas, sitting asanas, and pranayama. It turns out to be twenty minutes standing asanas, twenty minutes sitting asanas, and twenty minutes pranayama. Although this was not planned I was surprised by how symmetrical it is. Again my evolving practice meets me where I am.

It’s another lesson learned and over time and the older I get, the less I have to prove and the more I have to learn.

Ahimsa
Be kind

Note:
This is my 50th post about yoga and it was five years ago that I began the process of starting a blog about my journey with yoga and MS. A few bumps in the road health wise and I’m still at it. I’ll admit sometimes I feel like I’m repeating myself and if you are a consistent reader that may be evident, but it’s all still true. My yoga journey continues to benefit my psyche with all the stuff that happens to me, around me, because of me.

It’s been surprising and a joy writing about how yoga has had such a huge impact on my MS, my life, and how I live.

I thank you for reading.