Yoga Journey #52

Goals

She shoots she scores GOOOOOOAAL! No not that kind. The kind where we identify a target and do what we can to get there.

When I was young after finally getting myself sorted out. One of my goals was to own a house. It was a short term goal but also a long term plan to secure retirement. I took the steps needed to achieve that goal. I worked hard and made enough money to buy a house that was in terrible shape – the worst house on the street. It was a small two bedroom one bath house. It cost $45,000 – imagine that.

The bathroom was so small that I had to open the door and skootch around it to get in. Close the door then sit on the toilet. While on that toilet the door knob lined up perfectly with my mouth. One day I forget to lock the door and of course someone opened it while I was on that toilet and knocked out one of my teeth.

After that incident my brothers and I moved the back wall and installed a new bathtub which made the room bigger. There were many other projects and I slowly renovated that house and eventually sold it and purchased a better house. And that process continued from house to house (six times) until this last renovated house. My renovation days are now done and I am enjoying all that work that has previously occurred.

I’ve posted about goals before and my experience and opinion is that goals are not a good thing for a yoga journey. I’ve tried it that way and found out it’s opposite to what the journey is about.

I’ve done dumb things like putting timelines on achieving certain asanas such as Urdhva Dhanurasana (backbend). I even had a log book about it. I would write down what I did and if it felt better or worse. I was trying to find out what I was doing wrong. What I was doing wrong was trying to match my ego to my ability. Funny thing with that is my ego did not recognize that I have MS either. Sometimes it still doesn’t.

I used to get angry at myself when I could not do that backbend. I once swore out loud in class – not that loud but loud enough for me to hear – kinda under my breath (don’t think anyone heard me?). My form or understanding of success then has dramatically changed. It’s a lesson that age and yoga continues to teach me. Notwithstanding I am a Taurus – fixed, earth, stubborn. Also patient, sensual, and gentle – gotta add some good stuff in there – ha.

After having said all that I must admit I do have one yoga goal. That is to get on my mat as often as I possibly can. That’s the real battle the one going on in my head. There is always a reason not too. I’m finding that if I get on the mat that is the win. I’m there, I’m present, I’m gonna find out.

It’s not about progression it’s about maintenance. If I don’t keep at it I will start to deteriorate. It’s kinda like the house I’m in. I put all the work in to get it where I wanted it. If I don’t maintain it it’s going to fall into disrepair.

I was that worst house on the street. I did some renovations (asanas) and got to a place where arrival is defined as where I am. I’m maintaining all that work previously done. There is nothing forced, I create no waves, I bask in the space I’ve provided.

And lost no teeth in the process – ha.

Ahimsa