My Dad’s in my practice.
Over time my practice has become an opportunity to not think. It’s a moving meditation and a peaceful way to recharge.
Since my Dad’s passing the not thinking part has changed. My Dad has worked his way into my thoughts during practice, and I’m finding that this is a good way to remember him and in a small way to honour him.
Practicing alone in my basement has become the new normal and I’ve come to know that I really don’t like practicing alone. However, the alone part, has become an homage to my Dad; memories I had forgotten are coming back. It’s sort of cathartic as it allows me to remember stuff I had forgotten. In a sense this alone practice time is not really alone. Practice has become a little longer as I actually stop and think about that memory.
My Dad made being fit and healthy an important part of his daily regime. He was a bit of fitness nut and as he got older he sort of reminded me of the bumper sticker “I work out so I can die healthy”. It was always important for him to stay fit and my Mom also. In fact my Mom told me she used to practice yoga when she was younger.
I can remember going to visit my parents a while back and I did my practice in the back yard. My mum asked me if it was alright for her to watch – of course. She sat about five yards behind me for the full 1 1/2 hours of practice while my Dad puttered around doing some garden work. My Mom said it was beautiful (it’s not beautiful) but my Dad did not say a word.
My Dad, as I said, was all about fitness and he was always interested in how to stay healthy either by exercise, healthy eating etc. After I got home from the visit during our phone conversations my Dad would bring up “that yoga”. He’d been doing some research and he told me that it was a good thing I was doing “that yoga”. Almost every time we talked he brought it up. It makes me think now that he was trying to connect in some way or to say you’re doing ok.
During practice I have looked deeper and remembered the times he was saying, in his way, that he loved me and was proud of me. I’ve known it all along but it’s interesting how practice has turned towards highlighting those moments and uncovering times that I now think were opportunities that I missed.
The death of my Dad has not really sunk in and my practice is not the same but it’s helping me remember all the stuff I loved about him.
I am looking forward to getting together with my Mom and brothers to celebrate and honour his life. As soon as travel restrictions are lifted we will get together and talk about all the stories we have that will make us all laugh and think about how he influenced us all, in unique and different ways….
….and for sure I will practice again in my parents backyard…
……He might even be there, in a burlap bag.
Love you Dad